This morning I sat out on the dock visiting with a longtime friend. She shared the story of how her pastor had left a note a church one day saying that he resigned, was leaving his wife and family and moving in with awoman in her early twenties. He had officiated the woman's wedding about a year before. The devastation that this man left in his wake is incredible.
Sadly, we've all heard stories like that. Some of us have been personally affected by the flagrant sins (not "moral failures") of Christian leaders. Those who are closely affected are hurt and their trust destroyed. Those who are more distant wonder how things like this can happen. Non-Christians openly mock the church.
Christian leaders fall for a number of reasons. First, there is a false understanding of what the Bible means when it says that Christian leaders are to be "above reproach". This has been interpreted to mean that the Christian leader must not struggle in any area of his life (with perhaps a little tolerance for overeating). As a result, many Christian leaders do not feel that it is safe for them to admit any problems that they are having. If their marriage is struggling or if they are having problems with their thought life Christian leaders feel like they can not bring it up for fear of losing thier job. As a result, they ignore the symptoms that could have led to healthy preventive action. This needs to be replaced by an understanding of what Christian leadership really is: demonstrating what it takes to follow Christ. This means being willing to deal with sin issues in an appropriate way. At the same time, churches need to be safe places for leaders to admit and deal with struggles in their own lives. I'm not saying that churches should excuse sin, rather that churches need to be willing to help pastors live holy lives. I have to wonder if my friend's pastor had elders that he could have turned to when he began having ful thoughts long before he destroyed his marriage and his ministry.
Second, we have created in many churches and atmosphere where the pastor is put on such a high pedestal that no one dare question him about anything. I know of one situation where staff members "knew" something was going on in the life of their senior pastor, but no one had the courage to talk to him about it or to share their concern with the elders of the church. The church culture prevented them from acting. This needs to be replaced by an attitude of encouraging one another and active concern for one another. Pastors need true friends who are willing to come alonside them and ask them important questions. The relationship needs to be solid enough to insist on an honest answer.
Third, pastoral minsitry is draining. The pastoral calling is not a 9-5 proposition. I've noticed that I can put all of my energy into the church and there will still be more to do. There is a real danger here. The desire to help other people can lead to the neglect of family and personal emotional health. Spend too many hours away from home and the pastor's wife can become resentful. The pastor then begins to wonder why she isn't so supportive of the ministry. The pastor feels that she doesn't appreciate how hard he is working. Suddenly a beautiful young woman comes along who laughs at his jokes, strokes his ego and an affair begins. This is not the fault of the pastors wife. It is the pastor's fault. Believe me, you are warned about the danger many times in seminary. That's why I am so grateful for this church. I've got a team of elders that care about me. At times they have told me, "Karl, you need to back off a little." Their advice has always been right on time.
I cannot leave the subject of failure of Christian leaders without reminding us that all of us are leaders. Each of us is having an impact on the lives of the people around us. Other believers and non-Christians are watching our lives. How are we doing? Do we think that we can tolerate sin in our own lives without it having an impact? Are we whitewashing the sin in our lives hoping that no one will notice? Are we demonstrating to others how to deal with sin? Are repentance, brokeness and accountabilty words that describe how we live? What kind of impact are you having?
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I have to say I found this blog very interesting. Mainly for two reasons the first being it struck close to home. I have lost a Pastor who I looked up to very much to an affair. And secondly the thought of being transparent with ones sin. I Pray that one day the church can be a place where people are open enough to share their sin and not be afraid of being judged. There is a real healing that takes place when the sin is out of darkness and in the light. I also believe that if a man as close to God and as Knowledgeable of the bible can fall the more careful I must be. NO ONE is without sin not even pastors. That is another reason why we must be in prayer for all our leaders, elders, and their families. Thanks for being so honest. God Bless You
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